Things I’ve learnt from watching ‘American Idol’ auditions

1. No matter how rubbish a human being you are, your mama will always love you. Which makes her the wrong person to go to for a brutally honest appraisal of your abilities…

2. Science and music don’t mix – unless you’re Brian May.

3. No-one with a normal family life (parents stayed married and are still alive with no terminal illnesses) ever made it in the music business.

4. Obama may be President, but if you’re slightly ‘ethnic’ your chances of making it as a pop idol are still very slim…unless you decide to become a Hung – I mean a clown.

5. One of these two statements has some truth to it:
i) “Women love men who are mean to them.”
ii) “American women love guys with British accents.”
I’m just not sure which one it is…

6. Only Janis Joplin can sing a Janis Joplin song. The same goes for Whitney Houston and Aretha Franklin… and nobody should ever attempt the high note in Minnie Riperton’s ‘Loving You’.

7. There is a strange sort of pleasure to be derived from watching other people make fools of themselves (please note – I’m not saying that this is a good thing!).

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